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Is Dating Dead?

Paula Gurnett, C.C.C. Novemeber 24, 2021

Dating today is fast paced, with swiping on dating apps and hookup culture taking the modern dating scene by storm.

With fast-paced dating seen as the norm, dreaming of slowing down the dating process might make you feel out of place or old-school.

But slowing down the dating process is possible. When you take dating slowly, there’s less pressure on you and your date…and it can be a whole lot of fun!

Instead, you take that time to get to know the other person at a level deeper than the attraction stage. When you date slowly, it’s possible the connection between you and your dates fizzles out. When that happens, you might feel like you wasted time because something didn’t work out.

But on the flip side, it’s a sign of paying attention to how compatible you are with someone - without the rush of endorphins from the attraction stage influencing your judgment. So essentially, you’ve just saved yourself some time!

Follow these tips to date with intention:

  1. Decide what your “dating goal” is. Are you just trying to meet people and learn what you like? Are you ready to settle down and find a lifelong partner? Do you just want to date slowly and see what happens? Decide on a dating goal beforehand to help you with any decision making.

2. Get to know your values. Writing down what’s important for you can help you pay attention to whether or not potential matches align with your values. Your values guide you throughout life…pay attention to them!

● Think about your past partners, friends, and others in your life and which values they have that resonate with you.

● What is most important to you?

● What non-negotiables or deal breakers do you have?

3. Give yourself a few dates before passing judgment. One of the best parts about dating with intention is the opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level. While first impressions matter, go on a few dates with someone before making a decision! That will give both of you time to get over first date nerves, or for you to notice a red flag pop up.

● Pay attention to communication patterns. How does the person you’re dating interact with others, staff, service people?

● Assess compatibility over chemistry. While chemistry is that spark you initially feel during the attraction stage of dating, compatibility is how well a person aligns in values and with your everyday life over a longer period of time.

4. Be transparent about your expectations. You don’t have to start planning a marriage right away or decide on your children’s names. But if your long-term goal is to get married or have children, discuss that before you make a commitment beyond the dating stage. Expectations can often lead to disappointment, so to be transparent about who you are and what you want in your life is important.

5. Build connection with your date through curiosity. Build genuine connection by getting to know one another’s inner worlds. Ask questions and be ready to actively listen and share. Some questions might be:

● Tell me your life story in five minutes.

● Describe your idea of a “perfect” day.

● What are you most grateful about?

● What do you value most in a friendship?

● Tell me about your biggest accomplishment.

6. Show up for the date with intention. To truly date intentionally, put effort into the process and find someone who matches your effort! Remember…

● Put away your phones. Spend quality time getting to know the other person.

Intentional dating allows you to imagine how someone fits into your life. You get to know a person and see how respectful they are, if they share your values, and if you have similar lifestyle choices or goals.

The person you choose to commit to doesn’t have to be perfect - but they should fit well into your life!

“Being a hopeless romantic stuck in a hookup culture

is a special kind of hell”.

– Unknown -

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