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Overcome Your Fear of Commitment

March 5, 2023 Paula Gurnett, C.C.C.

Fewer people than ever are getting married. It’s believed that 25% of millennials will never marry during their lifetimes. The fear of commitment has never been more pervasive. Relationships can be a big risk, both emotionally and financially.

Humans are driven by fears, but many fears are irrational and paralyzing. It’s possible that your judgment is clouded and you’re allowing an illogical fear to steal from your future and your happiness.

Address your fear of commitment and enjoy a successful relationship:

1. A life lived with calculated risks is much more rewarding. Avoiding or magnifying every possible risk isn’t an enjoyable way to live. Live a life that’s moving toward something rather than avoiding something.

· That doesn’t mean you should marry the first attractive, funny person. Relationships are never guaranteed, but you have the opportunity to connect with your values and design a relationship that supports each other's growth, strengths, and dreams.

2. Avoid being in a rush. Take your time dating someone new and move along at your own pace. If the other person seems to be in a hurry to make things serious, this may be a red flag to pay attention to. Desperate partners are rarely good relationship material.

3. Determine the cause of your fear. Understanding the origin of the fear will help you to navigate your relationships. Understand your fear and you can address it. There are many reasons for fearing commitment:

· The fear of another relationship failure. The past doesn’t have to equal the future. Determine why the last relationship failed – it might be easy to blame your ex, but look within and consider how you may have contributed to your own experience. Create a strategy to minimize the likelihood of a reoccurrence.

· Do you fear being vulnerable? Allowing someone to really know you can be scary. Casual dating is easy. Neither of you has anything invested. If it doesn’t work out, who cares? The other person didn’t really know you anyway – which can buffer the feelings of rejection, but also robs you from the experience of genuine acceptance.

· There’s risk with any venture. Allowing others to see the real you is the best way to find the best partner. Remember that you don’t have to appeal to everyone, just that one person that would be a great match. Be yourself.

4. Consider the positive. You may be so consumed with what could go wrong takes you out of being present and robs you from fully experiencing connection and the advantages that can come with being a in a committed relationship. Envision what your life would be like with the right person. Give yourself a positive mental image of a healthy relationship.

Many people fear commitment due to the perception that a relationship is confining, limiting, and reduces freedom. However, the right relationship provides just the opposite. Consider how mutual love and support can enhance experiences and help increase confidence. This leads to new adventures and opportunities.

Many people fear relationships, but allowing a fear of commitment to rule your decisions is a mistake. Relationships can be one of the most rewarding parts of life. Allow your life to be guided by your hopes and dreams…not your fears.

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