June 20, 2022 Paula Gurnett, C.C.C.
Have you ever wondered how some relationships are able to stand the test of time? Successful couples have habits that make long-term success more likely. Unsuccessful couples share a different set of habits. If you want a relationship that lasts, ensure that you and your partner build habits that support the relationship you desire.
These strategies create habits that support and strengthen your relationship:
1. Successful couples argue effectively. The purpose of any argument is increase understanding and find a resolution. However, unsuccessful couples argue with the intention of winning the argument by assigning blame or attacking the other person.
· Address behavior, but avoid attacking the other person. It’s much more constructive to say, “It upsets me, and I feel disrespected when we are late,” than to say, “Why are you always late? What’s wrong with you?”
· If you attack the other person, the natural response is to counterattack. This is destructive to your relationship. Focus on the behaviour you wish to change and look for areas that you are able to take responsibility for, in order to shift out of defensiveness.
2. Successful couples forgive quickly. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary for a relationship to thrive and survive. Remember that no one is perfect. You’ve made your fair share of mistakes, even when your intentions have been pure. Your partner will make mistakes, too.
· The sooner you’re able to empathy and forgiveness for each other, the sooner you can enjoy just being with each other again.
· Consider the cost of carrying a grudge. You’re not only punishing you’re partner, you’re also punishing yourself. Honour your feelings and experience and create the space that welcomes forgiveness so you can move on.
3. Successful couples have fun together. Partners don’t just share a home. They also enjoy spending time together. It’s easy to become too focused on work, paying the bills, daily routines, and dealing with the challenges of life. Make time in your schedule to spend time quality time together.
· Not only will you become closer, but you’ll also enjoy your life more too.
4. Successful couples share the same values. Do you share the same moral values? Do you have similar opinions on spending and saving money? Are your religious beliefs compatible? The more you have in common, the easier the relationship will be to maintain.
5. Successful couples share a common vision. Imagine if you wanted to live in a large city and focus on your career, while your partner was interested in country living and creating a family with five children. It’s important to be on the same path and work toward the same future.
6. Successful couples place a priority on the relationship. The most certain way to ensure that your relationship will last is to make it the most important thing in your life. If your career is more important, the odds of your relationship surviving long-term are slim. This doesn't suggest not being passionate and valuing your career...it is a suggestion to look at how it fits into the line-up of your priorities.
· Are you willing to make your relationship your top priority? What will happen to your life if you don’t?
7. Successful couples are proactive. Address problems while they’re still small. In time, even the smallest misunderstandings can become major challenges. Carve out some time each day and talk about any potential challenges. Focus on prevention. It’s like an oil change for your relationship.
8. Successful couples never stop dating. You don’t have to stop dating just because you’ve been together for years. Revisit a few old stomping ground and remember the old days and how it all began. Find a babysitter and plan a bimonthly date night. Keep the romance alive.
· Remember how much fun you had together and know that you still can!
Successful couples make their relationship a priority. Ensure that your relationship habits are supporting your relationship rather than harming it. You’ll be glad you did!