Affair Recovery: Betrayed And Broken

June 10, 2024 Paula Gurnett, C.C.C.

When you are experiencing strong emotions related to a sense of betrayal and heartbreak it can be overwhelming, and it's important to address them constructively.  When trust has been broken, here are some steps that might help you navigate through this difficult time:

1.    Acknowledge Your Feelings:  Allow yourself to fully feel and express your emotions in a healthy way.  It is normal and okay to feel hurt, angry, sad, an array of other emotions. Writing in a journal, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking professional help can provide an outlet for these feelings.

2.    Take Care of Yourself:  Engage in self-care activities that you enjoy and that help you relax.  This could be anything from taking a walk in nature, practicing mindfulness or meditation, reading a book, or engaging in a hobby you love.

3.    Seek Support:  Reach out to a trusted friend or therapist who can offer support and understanding.  Sharing your experience can help you feel less isolated and more understood.

4.    Reflect on the Situation:  When you're ready, reflection and processing can help you gain clarity and perspective, which is essential for healing and moving forward.

5.    Set Boundaries:  If the person who betrayed you is still in your life, it might be necessary to set clear boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and in finding ways of rebuilding trust.

6.    Acceptance or Forgiveness:  This can be a difficult step, and it's important to gain a clear sense of what acceptance or forgiveness is to you and what it can provide.  It does not mean that you agree, condone, understand or forget the betrayal.  Often the resistance of reality can contribute to ongoing attachment to the pain.  Moving forward in healing is a unique path for everyone – be patient and pace with yourself as you process and find peace within yourself and the circumstance.

7.    Learn and Grow:  Every experience, even painful ones, can offer valuable insights and lessons.  Reflect on what you've learned about yourself, your relationships, and the standards you need to hold in protecting your peace, moving forward, and creating a life that you love.

Remember, healing is a process, that looks different for everyone - it's okay to take the time you need.  Reach out for support from a professional individual or couples counsellor who can support you in healing in an intentional way.

For couples who desire to move forward in healing togheter: The Gottman Method, that is rooted in Drs. John and Julie Gottman's research, provides the framework for affair treatment with three defined stages: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment. This unbiased and compassionate approach to Affair Recovery supports both partners as they aim to repair and rebuild their relationship.